Evaluate Your Friends…Now Identify Which are Enemies

Being a hustler requires more than just the offensive maneuvers to the top. It’s equally essential to have a solid defense to stay on track.

There’s someone lurking deep within your inner circle whose intentions are malicious towards your progress. And, if by chance I’m wrong – I’m right about this statement: there will be someone lurking deep within your inner circle whose intentions will become malicious towards your progress.

Why is this? → You ask. Jealousy and envy → I answer!

Unlike traditional enemies, which often development from dislike and animosity; friends that turn into enemies present a more powerful force. Friends know your weaknesses, strengths, even your allies – providing an unmatched advantage to attack you from a flank position that you’d never see coming. The truth is: you have more to fear from friends than you do from traditional enemies. While traditional enemies have to take exhaustive measures to defeat you, friends have all the intelligence they need.

Because of this harsh reality, there’s a significant importance to increase your awareness of your inner circle. On the outside it’s all fun and games, but inwardly it’s a common enemy breading ground. I advocate putting yourself in the best position possible; which dually means that you must remove yourself from bad situations that can potentially hold you back.

This article is about minimizing the potential development of the worst type of enemy; those from your inner circle.

How do I combat this? → You ask. Keep reading → I answer!

Note: in this article, my reference of the term inner circle is in relation to the people who are around you most often, or have ties to those who are around you most often. Your inner circle consists of friends and associates. Your associates are those who you don’t consider as friends, but have some form of relationship with you. Additionally, your associates are friends of friends and even friends of associates.

The Difference between Jealousy and Envy

There’s a misconception that jealousy and envy are the same. Although they do share similarities in many respects, they also have fundamental differences.

Jealousy is a disposition of resentment against a person because of their success or advantageous position. Jealousy also takes form in the fear of rivalry, in the sense of guarding a prize possession from being lost to something of rival form. Jealousy creates a mental uneasiness within the holder; often leading to ill will, malicious actions and possibly sabotage.

Envy denotes a longing to possess something that another person has. This emotion can be so powerful that the holder of envy may not only wish they had the quality that they envy, but wish misfortune upon the envied.

The Threat within Your Inner Circle

The only way to truly avoid friends from becoming jealous or envious is to not have friends at all – which isn’t a viable option. Since this isn’t feasible, you’ll always be somewhat exposed to the effects of jealous and envious malice. Touchy subject matter – I know…but one worth investing time in, to avoid the obvious.

You can’t eliminate the threat with totality, but you can minimize it with strategy:

• Shrink your inner circle to gain a better view of what’s going on. Some stay around simply to benefit from your qualities. If you don’t benefit from what a person has to offer, leaving them around can be disruptive to your progress. The more people in your circle, the more complex the picture is.
• Draw the line between personal associates and business associates. Business networking is a mutual benefiting system: you have something to offer them and they have something to offer you. If you string people along because you see them as a potential benefit for you; being able to help you in some way – expect karma to bite you.
• Parse out anyone who negatively effects your self-brand. You are defined by those who you are around. Your inner circle is a direct representation of you. Be mindful that you’re always guilty by association, and rarely rewarded for your associations.

The Red Flags

By now you’re hopefully evaluating and identifying possible infiltrations of enemy emergence within your camp. Be alert of the following traits. If they surface - RUN!

• He (or she) who hangs around reaping the benefits of your success, but brings nothing to the table for you. A natural progression happens over time that makes friends feel equal to one another. Because of time and comfort, they simply see you as an extension of them…being absent to the fact that you are different people with different skill sets and drive.
• Constant comparisons between you and them, by them. When this happens, you’re already in trouble – so run. This often develops because they fail to understand why you are able to achieve things and they aren’t. Again, because of time and comfort, they compare themselves to you with no logical separation of personal attributes. This is a dangerous situation because feelings of inferiority develop; festering envy. No one wants to be inferior to their peers. But in reality; peers, in terms of skills, they are not.
• An abundance of questions about how you have achieved what you have achieved. This one is tricky because a real friend will do the same, but with different intentions. A true friend will probe in a manner of interest; asking questions toned with curiosity regarding your abilities. On the other end, the enemy’s questions are toned with condescension and negativity.
• Accepting failure for you instead of pushing you to succeed. Anytime you’re in a challenging situation and a so-called friend quickly suggests that you throw in the towel…take it as a direct warning.

By the way, hustlers don’t throw in the towel and we never lose. Hustlers Always Win…Even in Defeat.

Avoid Being the Jealous and Envious Friend

While we’re at it, you should be familiar with your own emotions of jealousy and envy. We never think of ourselves as being enemies of someone else. We think only in terms of having enemies. I submit to you that we’re innately imperfect → so we must have knowledge of our negative emotions and their recourse, in order to push through and overcome them.

Have productive friendships; be conscious of the following to avoid being the jealous and envious friend:

• Friendship should never be conditioned on competition. Constantly competing at things will devastate a friendship because someone has to lose. The challenge may bring out the best in both parties during a small amount of time, but in the end, when one loses, often times the loser becomes overwhelmed with resentment.
• Know the role that you play in the friendship. Each person has their own niche in what they bring to the table. Keep your niche and allow your friends to keep theirs. This way the both of you benefit from each other’s complementary skills. When crossover happens, negative emotions brew.
• Don’t be a hater. Deep down inside we don’t want to be left behind because we don’t want the friendship to diminish. Change your attitude in the direction where you want to see your friends win. The more winners in your [hopefully small] inner circle – the greater your chances are at making winning a habit.

Conclusion

It’s hard to admit that you have enemies. It’s harder to admit that your enemies may be disguised as your friends. But I hope that you now find it necessary to institute a new awareness of your inner circle. I want to make it very clear that your inner circle shouldn’t only consist of people like you. It’s good practice to have friends and associates in different positions of success. As long as the benefit is mutual – you have little to be weary of.

It’s a numbers game – some will be loyal, some will betray you. Good luck in evaluating your friends and identifying which are enemies.

Are there any important points that I missed on this topic? Do you have any personal experiences with enemies from your inner circle or in some other way? Please join in on the comments section below.

Referenced Articles:
Always Win…Even in Defeat