I’m the type of person who’d like to live in a world where looks don’t matter. But, like you, I live in a world where looks do in fact matter. As I shared in my post about hate, I’ve had a pretty telling example of just how much looks can play into the way others engage with you. But today we’re going to focus on the perceptions we create by the way we present ourselves.
This isn’t a feel good topic…it’s seemingly a bit shallow actually. But should that detour us from speaking about it? NOPE! Sometimes we have to have tough conversations in order to fully hash things out.
I’m counting on community contribution to help drive the point that looks really do matter, or the contrary if you believe otherwise. Either way, please share your run down as to why you feel the way you do.
Let’s go…
I’m a realist and realize that much of what we see as our reality is really only a perception. In fact, I believe that we’re accountable for most of the elements related to the perceptions others form of us. If you don’t think that looks matter now – you may come to find out in a moment, that they actually do.
*NOTE: When I say looks – I’m speaking on your personal presentation only. I am not talking about physical characteristics that we have very little control over (like DNA). Sure, these do play a significant part, but I’m not going there…yet!
Looks Do Matter…Here’s Some Simple Proofs
We’re intelligent, visual and emotional people. And because of this, we’re affected by what we see. It’s really simple.
- Most of the time we initiate relationships because of physical attraction first…the deal is later sealed (or not) by emotional connection.
- It’s no doubt that the image of food gets us hungry; secondarily the smell and then taste provide us with feedback needed to give it a thumbs up or down.
- We buy clothes because of how they look; followed by feel and function.
- Marketing efforts capture our eye first, then appeal to our emotions; leading us to purchase, or at minimum, gain interest.
- We tend to click the back button quickly after entering an ugly website.
- We often feel more confident when we like what we see in the mirror.
First Impressions are based on Your Image
It’s a popular thing around here these days, right: taking ownership of the perceptions that you create? Here’s the deal folks – regardless if you take the opportunity to develop your brand in the light that most accurately and honestly depicts who you are – your brand will be built for you, possibly based on misconceptions and inaccuracies. If you don’t own your personal brand, they (everyone else) will own it for you.
You Have to Be Willing to Live With What Your Personal Brand Represents
It’s okay to be disliked. Everyone will not like you. PERIOD. A natural effect of being yourself is that some people will not like you for reasons you simply can’t control. But others will love you and respect you.
I Judge Books by Their Cover…and You Do To
Why? Because we are human. It just naturally happens. When we see a person for the first time, we size them up without thought. We automatically associate their appearance, the way they carry themselves, how they speak, etc. with something that we may or not be familiar with. The trick is not to allow that initial “size-up” to create an unfavorable view of that person before getting to know them…but of course it happens.
Imagine being in the seat of a professional recruiter and two candidates walk one in your office, both interviewing for a VP position. One candidate is well polished and the other is dressed in casual street clothes. Without speaking to either, do you form a judgment based on their appearance? Of course you do. It happens naturally without you having to strain in thought. You think “why is this person not dressed for the part?” And you may even automatically disassociate them from being a potential fit for position. In my book – this wouldn’t be an unfair conclusion.
The Point
The way you present yourself has a lot to do with how people treat you, support you and represent you. It’s important to understand that just because people shouldn’t judge you based on your appearance, doesn’t mean that they won’t. Do you know how hard it is for people who have tattoos on their hands and neck to get a job in a white collar environment? It’s tough. Of course a tattoo doesn’t mean that a person is any less qualified for the position…but it shouts certain messages about their own judgment in representing themselves. I’m not knocking tattoos at all. I’m just saying the way you present yourself has a heavy bearing on how others treat you…because looks really do matter.
DISCUSSION
You’ve read the points I’ve made on this subject. What do you think…do looks matter? Do you naturally form a judgment on people without thought (not a judgment of dislike)? Or, are you under the belief that looks don’t matter because people don’t naturally form misconceptions based on people’s appearance? And lastly, do you have any examples of when looks did matter?
{ 140 comments… read them below or add one }
First of all…I love this: “This isn’t a feel good topic…it’s seemingly a bit shallow actually. But should that detour us from speaking about it? NOPE!”
The topics that AREN’T feel-good are the one that we SHOULD be talking about.
Couldn’t agree with you more Jk. Looks matter…and they matter A LOT. If you want to be treated a certain way or achieve a certain outcome you need to look the part.
For example, if you’re trying to get a date with a woman that’s a lawyer you probably shouldn’t dress like a hipster (although you never know
).
Eugene recently posted..Death, Remembrance, and Lessons Learned
Hey Eugene – I agree, we should be discussing these types of topics. It’s these types of topcis where some hate, most people appreciate being covered because they are outside of the normal conversation.
Great point on being treated according to the way you look. Hey, this is the world we live in…
PEACE
I’m late to the party but ultra-passionate about the topic.
So. Glad. You. Wrote. This. JK.
In a physical, visual world, it seems utterly ridiculous to go around claiming one of our senses *should* be meaningless.
Clearly it is not, and we use the visual data we take in to make decisions… all the time.
I love this topic, and I even get deeper into it, discussing the genetically ‘blessed’ over on Ryze ( http://ryzeonline.com/love-the-famous-and-the-beautiful-theyre-your-leverage )
Looks and first impressions do matter. I’m shocked that it’s not common sense for some people. We will get people walking in when we are hiring and they are wearing tank tops, pants hanging low, looks very unprofessional.
I think it was some show a long time ago that tested that theory. They had an attractive woman and an overweight woman apply for a job. I believe the qualifications were the same. The attractive woman got job offers while the overweight one did not.
And I think Tyra Banks dressed in a fat suit and experienced what it was like and she got treated differently cause of how she looked.
Love the Halloween pic. Hilarious!!!
Benny recently posted..Feel the Fear and Do it Anyways
Hey Benny – It amazes me that people won’t dress properly for an interview, but then go and complain that they can never get a job. Take out the ear gauges, eyebrow ring and lip ring; put on some decent clothes and you immediately increase your chances. it’s tough out there…and people want to hire people who seem to have responsibility a part of their character. If a person makes terrible judgments by not looking the part for an interview – it pretty much cancels them out.
I saw the Tyra show. My wife used to watch it and save the good ones to show me when I got home form work!
Enjoy your Sunday man!
Love the way you wrote this, especially the start (like Eugene noted). Excellent topic to discuss and of course, looks matter. We can’t help it. Like you said we have to try and not make a “quick” judgement, just based on looks alone. That is hard to do and it takes practice. Really appreciate the way you write JK.
Quote today: “To be Happy, all I have to do is give up my Judgements”
Ha ! Talk about easier said than done ?
Continued success, my friend.
Al
Exactly Al! Whether we like it or not – we can’t really help it. It’s braided within our society and within our own minds. Hopefully we have the ability to not let those initial judgments dictate the way we treat people…sometimes that easier said than done!
Do looks matter JK? I say YES! We can pretend all we like that they don’t but they do. I always heard that you can’t trust your first impressions but I believe the brain picks up so many things, many of them unconsciously, and it sends us a signal that we CAN trust! Too many times we didn’t trust it and wished later that we had.
I’m not saying that everything/person who is beautiful on the outside is beautiful within. We know that’s not true. But the way you present yourself – whether or not you adorn yourself, take pains with your appearance, to what level of formality you dress, and whether or not it suits the occasion, all say VOLUMES!
Fun topic JK! Thanks for telling it like it is!
Lori
Lori Gosselin recently posted..Past, Present, Future: Where Do You Spend Your Time?
Lori – great point and I agree. It comes down to trust. It’s a self-defense mechanism within us that assess people and situations. We identify certain looks and match those with either experiences or situations we’ve been made aware of.
The problem with this is that we often miss the most important part that everyone has to offer – what’s inside. That’s why it’s important for people to present themselves in a way that doesn’t lead them to be cancelled out before getting the chance to let their personality shine.
Thanks for the great comment. Enjoy the remainder of the weekend.
I love the pointed way you wrote this — makes it stick better. If you view yourself as a product to be marketed, then definitely it makes sense to tailor appearance and carriage to enhance the marketing. It’s like the finish on the product. People pay more for a stainless steel fridge than the same one in white. There is no extra utility in that finish, but they pay anyway. There are studies out there that people who look attractive are judged to be more competent and make more money. Seems that appearance has a bottom line impact! Thanks for this subtle-as-a-brick reminder that we should try to look the part we want to play
Alex | Perfecting Dad recently posted..Don’t Pay Your Child For Chores
Hey Alex! I like how you put it: “…subtle-as-a-brick reminder…”.
For me, the thing that I keep present in my mind is that we naturally assess people. It’s something that just happens in our mind. Likely to help us get an idea if we should trust a given person, or a number of other things. But it happens – and one way we can get around this is by at least presenting ourselves in a way that accurate depicts who we are.
Great comment my friend. Take care!
Jk,
I can’t even comment appropriately because that picture keeps distracting me. You are a fool. I bet your family has a blast on Haloween. That gut is hilarious and it proves a point looks really do matter. If you really looked like that I might have to laugh everytime you walked by. Now don’t get me wrong I love old people but the houseshoes and the posture is killing me.
As far as the point goes, I know of it all too well. I can keep it real and tell you how I was disrespected and ignored at college because I didn’t dress like my peers. I can share a story about when people crossed the street when they saw me walking on the same side of them. The list could go on and on.
Truthfully when I started to control my perception and let go of my, I am going to be me ego, I learned that looks matter and they matter a lot.
Frank recently posted..Hostile Takeover!
What up Frank – every Halloween we through a neighborhood party where everyone comes to have a good time. This pic was from 2008. Courtney and I killed it. When we walked out, people didn’t even realize who we were. Especially her. I still got those pink socks if you need to borrow them…they’re Polo!
Great examples. As you can imagine I’ve lived through similar situations. Several times per week people soot waaay over when I get in the elevator heading to my office. Crazy people! I just laugh it off…one time I’m going to jump at a hold woman and give her a reason to grab her purse!
PEACE
Ahh … you know how to stir a juicy pot … love it Jk! Like it or not, whatever world you live in – fantasy or reality – looks do matter and presentation is everything! A prime example, my brother is a heavily tattooed individual and on his recent visit he stated that he wished he never got the first tattoo. He’s 45 and said they definitely affect how people look at him. He is a mechanic and owns his own business; and in the business and networking circles he’s very much their “equal” and courtesies are exchanged. Yet at the end of the day it comes down to a “nice to meet you, but I’ll just bring you my car to fix, not have you at my next event” type outcome.
I think women are judged on this as well. If they dress provocatively, they do get thought of and treated differently. I believe it was Bank of America where a woman brought a lawsuit against them for admonishing her provocative dress. Her attorney said he believed it was because she was pretty and they were jealous; however, I saw some of her outfits and I would have agreed that she did not dress appropriately for her job – pretty or not.
I have no problem saying that I judge a book by its cover (how they dress, how clean they keep their home and car, etc.). It’s not a deal breaker necessarily, but it does get my attention. I’m someone who considers all my senses and if there were two well-put-together candidates and one smelled really good that would definitely make me think “complete package” because that makes a difference with me.
I think this is a good and interesting post and makes me laugh in a way because I’m glad someone just calls a spade a spade. Come at me honestly and we can go from there. Thanks so much!
Much kindness,
Elena
Elena Patrice recently posted..Do-It-Yourself Website Facts.
Hey Elena,
That was one great comment. Thanks for both examples shared. And, I’m glad you appreciate the call-a-spade-a-spade type style style that typically flows out off of my fingertips.
I agree that women have it pretty darn touch. The magazines, the commercials and so on…I’m super concerned by this because of my girls – I wish they didn’t have to live through such pressures…but they will. But it’s my hope that my wife and I instill enough sense into them that they appreciate who they are – no matter how they look compared to others.
Hope you had a great weekend!
Couldn’t be more true. This was a fun read, and I was nodding my head as I went down the page.
Hey Doc – just keep’in it real my man. You know how I spit it. Hope you and the wife are good. Looking forward to seeing you this fall.
PEACE
Nobody wants to be perceived as superficial or anything, but the truth is we all judge books by their cover. It’s how we’ve been programmed by nature. When we used to dwell in caves, we had to identify and judge dangerous people, animals or situations in a second and I believe that instinct is still with us today.
Looks do matter, whether it’s in business or personal life. One piece of advice I try to follow is “be the very best you that you can be”. For me that means taking care of my inner and outer self.
Thanks for being honest and open, as always!
Wim
Wim @ Sales Sells recently posted..The Journalist Or Finisher, Which Type Of Salesperson Are You?
Hey Wim!
Very wise words man. Simple too:
” One piece of advice I try to follow is “be the very best you that you can be”. For me that means taking care of my inner and outer self.”
That’s basically the message that I hope someone learns from this post. Simply understand that they way you present yourself has a heavy bearing on your iterations with others. No way around it!
Looking forward to learning from you some more this coming week. Loved your 3 minute report!
Oooh, I’d love to have an enlightened answer right now that showed that looks don’t matter. But… that would make me such a hypocrite. I have a makeup collection in my bathroom that would make Pamela Anderson jealous. Looks matter, not as much as many people think they do (aka Hollywood), but yeah, they totally matter. I’ve been 250 pounds and I’ve been thin and in shape. And yes, my self esteem was lower when I was fat, but I still took care of myself. I was groomed, wore professional clothes (not sweatpants and baggy T-shirts or anything) and I can tell you that both men AND women treated me differently then. It was like my size offended them somehow.
I’m convinced that all this does comes down to a belief system that we all share (I’m not about to give up my soap box entirely), but until we can release that… looks will matter. But you know what? It’s not all bad. I like looking good. I no longer care what other people think (really) and yet I haven’t given up my grooming habits. In fact, the better I feel about myself, the more I want to do for myself (and as my self esteem improved, my weight dropped. Not the other way around.) That’s a personal choice, of course. Others might go the other way, and turn into unibrowed sasquatches, which is fine, too. It ultimately comes down to how you feel. But to me, being proud of how I look isn’t a bad thing… So, you know… teensy bit of a silver lining there…
Hugs,
Melody
Melody | Deliberate Receiving recently posted..You Already Know What Your Purpose Is
Hi Melody – I started off with a laugh from your comment:
“I have a makeup collection in my bathroom that would make Pamela Anderson jealous…”
That was funny! And I get the point. We’d love to say that we don’t care – but the reality is that we do care…at least until we reach a level of maturity and understanding of life that many of us never reach. Caring about how we look isn’t a bad thing. Being superficial is what we want to avoid. And obsessing over it, of course.
You’re a living example of how you feel internally, based on how you look. If we feel that way within ourselves, we’re certainly going to feel that way amongst others. I can tell on a daily basis, depending on what I wear and where I go that I’m treated differently. It is what it is…right!
Thanks for sharing a personal example and of course for all of your support. See you on Google+ soon? If you need an invite, just let me know.
Looks do count, whether we like it or not, perceptions are formed from appearances, period.
What does this tell us?
Present yourself in the way you would like to addressed.
If you want a positive perception of you to be formed, have a positive outlook always.
If you want an extra-ordinary perception of you to be formed, appear extra-ordinary.
In the end, it boils down to this, we are the ones who give others the clue on what impression to have about us, period.
Thanks for the post JK.
Tito – you know what’s up on this topic. You chime in from the motherland and the understanding is the exact same. It’s not a cultural or societal phenomenon…it’s a human reality. Like you said:
“Present yourself in the way you would like to addressed.”
PERIOD!
PEACE
Good point Jk, And yes, people are judges by looks and dress. Even tattoos.
This reminds me of so called rich people and middle class people. I have learned in life when I meet someone from an excusive neighborhood and they are dressed to kill and have big name cars in the drive way, they are usually in debt up to there eye brows. And then you find a person living a middle class life they are more likely to be rich, they just don’t feel the need to try to impress anyone.
I guess when I met someone for the first time, it is not so much there looks, but whether they are trying to be something that they are not. I look for the true self.
Titles, big house, fancy cars and expensive clothing don’t impress me, I want to know the really person inside.
Good topic for discussion, it does make the world go around.
Blessing to you Jk,
Debbie
Debbie @ Happy Maker recently posted..10 Steps to Becoming a Better Partner and Lover
I love your comments Debbie because they are always down to earth and offer us a great lesson right from all of your life experience. Thanks!
Yeah, those pretentious types aren’t my favorite either. The ones who drive the big car, but can barely make the payment. That’s an extreme in itself. An extreme that that makes us uncomfortable and not want to trust those types of people.
Finally – a day without thunderstorms here in Denver (hopefully!) But boy is it hot out today, huh!`
Andre Agassi once said ‘Image is everything’, and although he got a lot of flack for that commercial, I think it’s pretty dang true. Looks matter. Appearance is huge. And like you said, it’s the first thing when talking perception and judgements. Those that deny this are simply blind or foolish.
You’ve talked before JK about how your initial avatar of the shades didn’t properly portray ‘you’, and thus some people wouldn’t give you a chance. This has happened at times with the Lion too. We are snap judgement beings, like it or not.
This is also why I think we need to pay more attention to our online image as bloggers, namely the appearance of our websites. Like you said, it’s just too easy to clickback if a site looks cheap. (I’ll be doing a post on this soon)
Keep doing your thing brother, you always bring it.
Marcus
Marcus Sheridan-The Sales Lion recently posted..7 Phenomenal Bloggers That Really Don’t Care If You Like Them or Not
I still can’t believe I am engaging in a discussion with a lion.
john Falchetto recently posted..How to get past challenges
Hey Marcus – Was that Agassi commercial by Nike? If so, I think I may remember that one. He was certainly one that didn’t mind speaking his mind.
Yes, I did face some issues with my initial gravatar. I started to throw that situation in this post, for I thought it would relate well…but It would have gotten too lengthy, leading me to believe that my best bet would be to do a separate post on that by itself.
Anyhow, as bloggers, and beyond, we need to pay close attention to our image. It means so much where, especially where there’s not a lot of face to face interaction.
Thanks for the great comment man. Have a great week!
PEACE
hello jk
how are you?
first of all the picture is soooo funnyyy
anyway; you’ve touched on an important issue and not wanting to dwell heavily on tattoos, but a few weeks ago there was a heavily tattooed lady who went to the job center for seeking some assistance in getting a job and the first thing she was told was to remove most of her tattoos and cover up the rest. this caused a huge debate in the media.
the first impression matters a lot and how we look also creates a perception in the minds of people; however we got to becareful not to allow our prejudices becloud our judgement.
this post throws a balance on both sides with reference to being disliked by people in the course of living by or promoting ones personal brand.
even if looks dont matter, it wont cost anything to make the effort to look good
take care and enjoy the rest of the day
ayo recently posted..The Lighthouse
Interesting situation with the tattooed woman Ayo. Thanks for sharing it. In most cases, the company doesn’t care. What they care about is the image that it promotes to it’s customers. they have a brand to protect, just like we do.
I think it’s important for us to not allow our prejudices becloud our judgments too. It happens all too often, that’s why as a counter – I think we should be aware of how we present ourselves to make sure that people are forming the most accurate perceptions as possible
Nice comment Ayo. Have a great week!
lol Check you out ruffling the feathers a little bit with this topic. When I read it I wanted so badly to say looks DON’T matter, but I’d be lying to myself.
Image is everything!!!!!!! First impressions can make or break a situation. In a way our image/exterior gets us in the door for any endeavor.
I still struggle today lol. As a 24 year old woman. I’d love to go anywhere and every where in my hoopin’ shorts and a T. It was cool in college but out here in the “real world” what does that say to people?
2 years ago I took my 11 year old brother to the mall, he’s 11 and we’re in the shoe store and this lady says “R YOU GUYS TWINS?”……..(in my mind i’m like) WHAT?! ….I kindly replied No ma’am, I’m 22 and he’s 11. Right then and there I knew it was the hoopin’ shorts and a T that did it.
Not to say I don’t wear workout clothes to places, but I do make an effort to present myself the way I want to be received.
Great stuff!
Chelsea Thomas recently posted..What Twitter Did That Her Publicist Didn’t
Wow Chelsea, twins with an 11 year old is something…or that lady was crazy!
You’re such an athlete! Hoop shorts and a T! Honestly, that’s how I get down as often as I can. And it’s fine. But for a woman to do it it’s not as acceptable. That’s terrible isn’t it.
You made an excellent point when you said:
“…but I do make an effort to present myself the way I want to be received.”
That’s everything. We own a piece of that pie.
Have a good week. Hope the new J-O-B is going well still!
PEACE
Oh great, so now you are telling me I shouldn’t have gotten that spider web neck tat…….and here I was trying to be hip & cool w/ my friends. And what do you mean someone might not like me…………blasphemy………..:).
It is only natural to judge a book by it’s cover. First impressions are very important because you can only have one first impression, right?
Looks do matter and they impact how people deal with you regardless of how much of a non-conformist you want to be it still matters; rightly or wrongly.
I remember your previous post and told you my work w/ the Guardian ad Litem program and how it has conditioned me to be less judgmental. The vast majority of the people I have to deal with are on the lower end of the socioeconomic spectrum and that presents challenges in and of itself. I have to be sensitive to that.
Chelsea made a good statement above: wanting to present yourself how you want to be received. It’s not that tough to figure it out………….
Are we shallow? Probably to a degree, but looks do have an impact.
BTW – nice pic, that is probably one of your better ones………..:)
Bill Dorman recently posted..Take me to your leader
There is a place for you and your spider web tattoo Bill and that would be the University of Richmond (my alma mater). Their mascot is the spider. I have always wondered what were thinking and did they possibly consider the cockroach.LOL
Riley
Riley Harrison recently posted..KILLING TIME SHOULD BE A FELONY
Hey Riley, maybe the tats weren’t as popular in your day but maybe everybody is getting them there now. Great school BTW………
Bill Dorman recently posted..Take me to your leader
A cockroach mascot. That’s hilarious!
The spider web tat is awesome keep it Bill
john Falchetto recently posted..How to get past challenges
I read through this post and was like “wow, Bill only has one wise crack (the neck web)…but in typical fashion you ended with a punch: “BTW – nice pic, that is probably one of your better ones………..:)”. Than made me laugh man.
Sure, we’re a bit shallow. I wouldn’t say that we’re simply shallow for the wrong reasons either. We have natural defense mechanisms that just spark up and lead us to try to shape who a person by the way they look. Sometimes we’re right…sometimes we’re wrong but the point of the matter is that we have to be honest that people do judge. That being the case we have to present ourselves in a way that we want to be treated. Sounds so simple – yet it’s so complex.
Thanks for the comment Bill. And thanks for stopping by Spin Sucks to show support on my GP there.
Make it a great week.
Hey JK,
Oh man, this was a topic that’s been in my mind a lot lately!
-Looks do matter but I like how you’re talking about things we have control over vs. things we don’t.
-You can control looking the best you can. You can control putting your best foot forward.
-Then you have to find your personal brand. I see it as being polarizing. Letting some people dislike you a lot so that others can love you.
*Once you go into the DNA arena, you can take some good points from age/race/gender. You can’t change that, but it creates an example of how you can make your personal brand with image (because it’s already an image that you can’t change). I already know I’m polarizing for being Asian for example.
Great post JK
Hey Matt!
I know exactly what you are talking about in terms of the DNA piece of the puzzle. Great point!
I didn’t want to go there because that’s something I don’t know how to offer a solution for. With weight, age, race, sex and sexual preference…there’s just too many loops that I don’t know where to be begin. So I guess I took the much easier route and talking about what I know can be actionable for all of us: our personal presentation.
Thank you for stopping by and leaving such a great comment Matt. Much appreciated!
Martha Graham, the mother of modern dance said that ‘the body doesn’t lie.’ If you’ve ever seen the Mentalist what the show is getting at is that body language is the best form of communication. So I agree with you first impressions matter….
BUT we all experience the same emotions, sometimes the full range in one day. So, someone’s incsecurity or pride or peace may not be based on how they are trying to be perceived but in fact on what theyare actually experiencing at the moment. The reality is, if we are honest about what’s going on inside, rathe than trying to hide something – the ice will eventually be broken.
On the other hand if we try too hard to be perceived a certain way, we are actually focusing our energy the wrong way, and will come off as a fake. I think its about time we all just relaxed a bit.
Hello Jessica!
Fantastic comment. thank you so much and welcome! I appreciate you taking the time and read such a high quality comment.
You made a point that I thought was brilliant: “The reality is, if we are honest about what’s going on inside, rathe than trying to hide something – the ice will eventually be broken.”
We have to be honest in our presentation. Not put on a show, but display what accurate represents us in a way that doesn’t make others quickly form misconceptions. What do you think about that?
Thanks again for the comment. Hope to see you back in the near future!
Thanks for the response
The funny thing is – it takes just as much effort to put on a show as it does to peel away the things that may be misrepresenting us. I think that was what Ms. Graham was trying to express… her effort was towards uncovering movement which is quite the opposite of what much to the dance industry sells.
Posts and discussions like this are what its all about – openness. Thanks for making your blog a safe place for honest discussion – I will definitely be back
I actually did an experiment with this. I was going on a professional job interview for a high powered position but I was in the unfortunate situation of having just had a baby. My weight was all messed up and my mid-section was scarily disproportionate. My face was red and I just looked really funny. I knew this was going to weigh heavily (haha) against me – because of course, looks matter. I had not been successful at other recent intervews and it was clear this was the main reason. I did a little psychic test where I requested mirrors to be placed around my heart (yes, I know, I’m weird that way but bear with me). In effect this made my interviewers reflect themselves back to themselves – either positively or negatively. My actual appearance was not an issue at all (just qualifications and discussion) and I got a great result.
Julie | A Clear Sign recently posted..My Latest E-Book Automatic Writing and Psychic Visualization Is Now Available
Hi Julie!
What an interesting story. Thank you so much for sharing your experience here Julie. What an interesting thing. Looks bearing more than qualifications. You know, I’ve dealt with that but not when getting jobs. I know it happens and it saddens me to think that one can make a better living than another simply because of some physical characteristics. Wow!
Thanks again for sharing your story here Julie.
Best to you!
It’s a fact that all of us judge on appearance one way or another…ourselves and others.
In a sales job a lifetime ago, we assumed the customer that looked ragged and stubbly didn’t have money to buy the product. Ridiculous way to think!! At times, they had the most money!
I want to be treated well in any situation, so I try to put my best foot forward as far as appearance. It may not be fair that the person who does that may have an advantage in some situations, but hey…who said life was fair?
Joe @ Not Your Average Joe recently posted..A Father And Son, A Perfect Swing
Hey Joe! Just as you and your sales buddies (and every other person in the world) used to assume that the raggedy looking guy didn’t have the scratch to purchase your product/service…so was everyone else. Trust me. In most cases you were right…so, naturally you started to make that association. It’s what we do as humans.
And no, life isn’t fair at all, hence, posts like this have to be created!
Wow! What a wonderful topic JK
I completely agree with Jessica and Ayo in regards to finding that balance in all of this. Of course our society places looks high on the priority list, however…we don’t necessarily have to break our neck and place all our energy into being perceived a certain way that goes against our TRUE self and nature. We put our hair a certain way and put on certain clothes (or cover up a tat) to get by at a job or somewhere else, but your true character does not have to be altered by this to the point where you are a totally different person day and night. I also notice, the more I travel, that different cities are more open to the alternative free-spirited look than others. Sometimes it just depends on where you reside on how you are perceived.
Kenya recently posted..Self Worth Series: Distorted Perceptions
Hey Kenya,
I agree – no one needs to go overboard and change who they are to try to conform or fit in. It’s a matter of accurately displaying who you are in the light you want to be perceived for the purpose of being authentic and helping to minimize the misconceptions that people naturally create.
Failing to do so have pretty stark consequences.
But it’s a thin line. It’s a very thin line and rarely do we find people who balance it out well. But hopefully that changes for the better.
I appreciate your comment Kenya. Always intelligent and insightful.
Have an EXCELLENT week!
No problem JK!
Being a person that has a tattoo on the shoulder as well as locked hair is not received well in some places. So I completely understand this post! lol… I left an area that was used to the natural locked look, then came back to my small home town and catch looks from all over! I just laugh….
Kenya recently posted..Institutional Freedom
I have a tattoo on my shoulder too. But being there means that it really doesn’t get a whole lot of attention unless I wear a sleeveless shirt.
Thanks for the reply Kenya.
JK — I love sleeveless shirts!! lol…But you are right…that was the SAME reason I put it there…so I could hide it at will…
Kenya recently posted..Institutional Freedom
Hi, JK.
I believe that looks do matter. I wouldn’t have that smiling pic as my Gravatar if they weren’t.
And, I think I got into a lot of friendships online because of that pic and because of the engaging personality that I show everyone. If I had shown myself as a b***h at the start, right from the Gravatar down to the language I use when commenting on blogs, I doubt if anybody would have wanted to connect with me, except those who are b***chin’ themselves.
But, I also want to say that while image does matter, it is not everything really because there will always be second impressions after the first. If we find that our initial impressions were wrong, then we should be kind enough to backtrack and correct them. If we were able to hurt someone because of the initial impressions we made, then it would be best if we do go and apologize to that person for thinking wrongly.
Just my two cents on this.
Kim Davies recently posted..It’s All About Going after What You Want — Living and 3D Rendering
Important point you made Kim: “…image does matter, it is not everything really because there will always be second impressions after the first.”
I believe it’s our second, third and so on impressions that really matter. It’s our consistent image. Yes, first impression is important but the are generally wrong.
Actually have a post on this that I’ll publish in weeks ahead!
Thanks for stopping by again Kim!
The impressions we make on the world around us are crucial Jk as that’s how reputations and character are developed, or the persona that others respond to. These often are the ones that people discuss when we’re not in the room or in their company so it’s wise to consider how our ‘image’ comes across.
We can dress to impress (clean, smart, well laundered, a hint of scent) but the most attractive element of our personality and our ‘brand’ is the person we are, the nature of how we connect to life. For me the best looking people are those who are most polite and well mannered, supportive, caring, loving and warm individuals. That type of person is beautiful and who I aim and choose to be. Good looking isn’t merely looking good but being a good soul.
John Sherry recently posted..How Naked Are You?
John – you always have a great way to put things:
” Good looking isn’t merely looking good but being a good soul.”
Thanks powerful. I remember my mom saying as a kid – “don’t act ugly”. By that she meant that my attitude, my manners, and my disposition towards people are what were the real merits of my looks (or the perceptions that I created). You just reminded me of this. Thanks!
Looks matter, the ones who don’t want to acknowledge this aren’t defining looks the same way we are perhaps.
I just redesigned my site, because well, looks matter. How we present ourselves makes up for more than 50% on how people judge us.
Love the photo, awesome costume skills.
john Falchetto recently posted..How to get past challenges
Love the site re-design. Makes me want to get to work on mine. When I get 2 free hours – this place is getting some attention!
I’ve heard people say flat out that looks don’t matter. They continue to say that what does matter is on the inside.
I would love to agree with this, but it’s just not the care. Not in the world of reality. It should be that way – but it’s not…at least yet.
Costumes cost us all of $5 from the thrift store.
Enjoyed your thoughts, Jk. Good stuff my man.
Looks definitely matter. Are they the end-all, most important thing? Absolutely not. But should they be considered? Oh yes. I work in sales. Not to be mean or anything, but I can pretty much guarantee that if you look unkempt and unpresentable, you’re not going to get hired where I work. That’s the hard truth. Not that you have to be “attractive”, but you have to be presentable and professional.
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Presentable and professional – that’s the message of this post. It’s not about being “attractive”…hey, that just can’t be controlled by us always…right. But we can control the way we present ourselves.
I’m with you too…looks matter, but they are only a portion of the equation. They aren’t the end all most important thing. No way!
Glad you enjoyed the post man. Hope your week has started off well.
JK ,
It’s amazing that people don’t give nearly enough emphasis to this. When I see people who haven’t given much thought to their web design for their blog, it drives me crazy. I honestly can say I’ve made decisions on whether or not to subscribe or invite a guest to to BlogcastFM based on the design alone. I think even when the personal brand that you build online you are continually creating an image that is visual. That’s part of why I use so many surf pictures in creating my brand online because of the fact that surf pics have such strong visual appeal. While you might be able to overcome your “looks”, why put yourself in that position in the first place.
Srinivas Rao recently posted..Q2 Review: From Beach Bum Blogger to Surfing Entrepreneur
The way other present themselves (or blogs) tells us a lot about them. Well, at least we think that it does. For me when I see someone who I think looks sloppy – I figure they don’t care much about themselves…so why should I. Terrible thing for me to think – because maybe my care will help them feel the need to care about themself. Or, maybe something is up beyond their control.
The point is, we’re shallow and quickly formulate these judgement, often incorrectly and they can be harmful to others…professionally or socially. For you and I to combat others creating these misconceptions of us is by presenting ourselves in a light that most accurately displays who we are and factoring in time and place.
I love your surf pics. I agree – they have a strong visual appeal!
PEACE
OK JK, I’ve lurked around here and your fab comments all over the blogosphere long enough…I’m stopping the lurking and starting the commenting.
I’ve really enjoyed your thoughtful and thought-provoking content, but as a woman of somewhat few words, I’ll make it brief here on my first foray onto the Hustler’s Notebook:
First impressions are made in about the first 10 seconds, and about 90% of that is visual. As John Falchetto said, he just redesigned his website based on “curb appeal. Gravatar photos can determine a person’s follow or not follow. Looks matter. Appearances matter. We do judge a book by its cover.
Happy to finally comment:) And your interview over at http://www.blogcastfm.com/ with Srini on July 11th was fab! Cheers! Kaarina
Kaarina Dillabough recently posted..I pledge to tell the truth
Hi Kaarina – thanks for converting from lurker! It’s always a delight to get a new face in the community discussion. So thank you so much for taking the time!
Those first impressions are strong. I think in most cases first impressions are wrong. But that doesn’t matter. What matter is that we own the perceptions that others form of us…if we don’t – then we give the power to others to create misconceptions that are inaccurate and most likely negative.
I’m so glad you stopped by! Glad you liked the interview.
Enjoy the week!
JK hates the ugly man. There, I said it and what are you going to do about it.
Nah, you are right. I don’t like it. I don’t teach my children to operate that way but it is reality and I accept that it is going to be a part of life.
That being attitude has a lot to do with how we are viewed and how we approach things. I try to dress appropriately for the situations I find myself in because it makes a difference.
Many years ago I interviewed for a position as a pharmaceutical sales rep. I am good in interviews and made it through two rounds. The third round put me in a room with four beautiful women.
They were stunning. Can’t say if they were better at sales than me, but they had me beat on looks. That first impression sometimes is awfully hard to fight.
Jack@TheJackB recently posted..Do Things Happen For A Reason?
Jack – I had just put a nice gulp of red Gatorade in my mouth when I read your first sentence: “Jk hates the ugly man.” And I busted out laughing, getting red Gatorade all over my white t-shirt. I’m still crackin up at that one Jack! And this adds a third demension to what I will remember you by:
1. “Daddy, what were those lines in your stomach”
2. “But nobody can post your dad up”
3. “Jk hates the ugly man”.
I’m not lying by saying that at this point I’m literally at the tear stage of laughing. I get a little goofy late at night…and it’s certainly not an exception now. You’re a funny man Jack!
It’s hard to for any non-young-female person to get a pharma sales gig these days. It’s like you and I going to apply at hooters…we won’t stand a chance!
Sadly, my kids will have to live this. Heck, they already do – but not to a point where it affects them to the point that they’re aware of. The interesting thing I often wonder is how early do I make them aware of this…hmmmm! The things us parents have to account for.
Thanks for stopping by my friend.
JK (and anyone else)
I got a question for ya on this topic.
I got told the other day that the picture I use is perfect for my bass guitar website, but that for my One Spoon stuff it’s pretentious and that I should replace it with something a bit more normal and smiley faced.
Those of you who’ve been to my blog and read posts have got a feel for who am I – what do YOU think?
Paul
and feel free to be as honest as you want, I can always go get my shades back on and go all moody and badass on you!
paul wolfe recently posted..Ask The Readers: Facebook Traffic
I feel you should be exactly who you are regardless of the kind of site you are operating, but I would add that in all circumstances you should show your eyes. People like to “read” the person they are taking advice from and you can’t do that if you are behind shades.
Julie | A Clear Sign recently posted..Recommended E-Book – Phenomenal Package Deal from Rob Adelphia
Sorry so late Paul. I really like the image you have. You look cool…if I wanted to learn how to play the base…you better believe that I would want to learn from someone who looked cool!
Without the base – the glasses maybe a bit much. Without the glasses – the base may not fit. You have the combo working perfectly in your favor. So I think your Gravatar perfect…don’t change a thing!
There’s something to be said for “looking the part,” and it does help to look the part you want to play.
I think the fact that looks matter has a lot to do with our natural pattern-matching ability.
I’m always fascinated by charisma, and how some people have an aura and a presence that’s beyond their looks.
J.D. Meier recently posted..How To Smile for Real
Looks definitely matter! They effect how you are treated. By recognizing this, you can dress in the way that you want people to see you. I’ll put it to you this way. The guys that wear suits to work appear to take their jobs more serious than the guys who wear jeans, even though that may not be the case. Everything about you is your brand and that is the only thing people have to go on.
Lisa H. recently posted..You Don’t Gotta Struggle No More: Get Out of Jail Free
Hello!
This is an interesting blog you have here, JK. Glad I came across it.
On the subject of Looks Matters:
The thing to keep in mind about a person’s “looks” is that their attractiveness or UN-attractiveness are always in the eyes of the “looker” (the beholder). Everyone’s interpretation of the appropriateness of a person’s presentation is very much an individual thing——–as has been said.
But in addition to this, I would also say that just as important as your “look” is to “whom” you are on display.
For instance, if you’re a young man applying for a job and you’re being interviewed by a an older man from another generation, then more than likely his perception of what constitutes appropriate appearance for an executive may be different from a younger man in his same position.
Also, if you’re a young woman being interviewed by a group of men instead of a group of women, then the perception of how attractive or how appropriate your “looks” or “presentation” is will most likely differ between two.
In lieu of all this, I believe there’s great value in tailoring your look to fit the environment you are trying to enter, infiltrate, or invade. Otherwise, a miscalculation of what kind of image you choose to display to certain people could wind causing you to actually MIS-represent yourself. And you know what they always say about getting a “second” chance to make a first impression.
Victory Unlimited
Victory Unlimited Show recently posted..Mission# 18 – Objective: Who turns women on? Smiling Guys or Frowning Guys?
Hey Victory,
Good point and something I live with all the time. Adaptability to dress, personality and generally to whatever situation we’re in. It’s not a matter of being fake either – it’s a matter of understanding the importance of time and place.
Welcome to the blog! I appreciate you taking the time to read AND leave this awesome comment. Very generous of you.
Thank!
Well Jk, having seen that photo of you and your wife up there, and knowing how much you enjoy exercising, I’d say ‘keep up the exercises’
I’m glad you put that statement at the start where you made the difference between an ideal world, and the real world. I agree – in an ideal world, looks wouldn’t matter, and I’m trying to get myself to this ideal state. But in reality, I must concede that I do still judge by looks.
I changed my Gravatar pic to a smiley one because I wanted to ‘appear’ more accessible. Now, I know people know I’m accessible anyway, because they visit my site. But still, I felt like I had to, and that’s proof that I still believe looks matter.
A little self-realisation goes a long way
Stuart recently posted..Mila And The Marine
Yeah, I had the prego/bear belly going. That was from Halloween 08. We have a blast every year at the Thrift store finding the most ridiculous outfits.
Our gravatars are powerful statements. One may think that I’m not aware of this because of the “different looking” image that I chose to use…but I’m very aware of it and strategically use it. Yours does show a display friendly and accessibility. We all know this about you…but for the first seeing you the first time will now think the same.
Hopefully the week has started off well!
Hey,
I would totally agree; looks do matter or putting it more in the wider perspective, the image has a lot to do with people’s reaction. Let’s take the oh – so – lovely Lady Gaga. If anyone dressed up like that and made it to the award ceremonies, fashion critics would blast them for being tacky and the public would just hit right at them. But, then Gaga does it and she sings beautifully, so no one says anything. And more about the way she looks and dresses and that is what all that matters to many.
Not only how we dress, but people do have some misconceptions or maybe form conceptions and judgments on the first look. It is another thing this might change after interaction and all that jazz but looks do matter.
Hope you have a lovely weekend!
Hajra recently posted..Fridays will be Different…Thanks to Dorman, Bill Dorman!
Hi there Hajra,
Good example with Lady Gaga. I don’t get her and I don’t have to. Because with or without me she’s taken the entertainment industry by storm. She has such a powerful brand!
The first look (or impression) is a powerful one. If we own the reality that is associated with the first impression than we are sue to control the negative misconceptions (some).
i really agree in what you spoke Jk. Not everyone will like you at all! But just focus on the people who do like you! DOn’t waste time with the people who like you because that’s just one less person to deal with! Thanks for posting!
Tyler J.Logan recently posted..How to find your happiness
Hey Tyller!
Some will hate us (or dislike us) and others will love us. It’s just how it is. We can’t worry about trying to make everyone like us, because it’s unrealistic.
Nice to see you around my friend.
OK, I don’t have much to say except this: first time I saw my hubby I said I gotta have this man. Why? Because he was hot.
I never understood girls that say, I don’t care how he looks as long as he has a good personality. I don’t think so. If that was true there would be no ugly single men out there.
Brankica recently posted..Sweet Sunny Saturday #14 | Sunshine after the Rain
I’m with you all the way Bran! When I saw my wife for the first time…I first spotted her outer beauty.
I love how you keep it real. Straight up. And as someone told me in this post… you’re as subtle as a brick. Love that!
PEACE
Excellent article and so well written. This topic is very touchy as we all are sensitive about the presentation we put forth. Regardless of DNA we can all present ourselves in a fashion that suits the situation. In sales we automatically gravitate towards the successful looking person, in relationships we do the same thing, in our every day life in every facet we do this,.
Thanks for the writing.
Hello Mario,
Thanks for the kind words on this post. Glad you enjoyed it.
Yes, regardless of DNA we can still own our presentation. In sales you have to show that you have the chops by displaying in some physical sense (possibly dress)
Thanks for stopping by buddy!
JK: Love the honesty and candidness in this article. I think you do make a lot of valuable points here. A lot of people are always quick to judge based on appearances. I think it is common because the first thing we see about people is how they look. I do think though it is worth pushing ourselves and really working to see people beyond their look. Nevertheless, the reality is just as you said, looks are definitely something that people focus on and they can influence decisions and actions.
Sibyl recently posted..What You Really Need to Know to Deal with Difficult People
Hi Miss Sibyl!
We judge. It’s in our imperfect nature. We don’t do it to be malicious…we do it as a self-defense mechanism. And you said it right when you mentioned:
“…looks are definitely something that people focus on and they can influence decisions and .actions”
Nothing more needed to say. Perfectly put.
Thanks Sibyl.
Dear JK
Love the halloween photo! Great example and you guys look fab!
Absolutely 100% looks matter, in regard to the non-genetic ones you can control. Did you dress that part for an interview? Or not bother at all. Love that!
I was going into a job situation where I was slated to share with another female doctor. I met her informally and really liked her and still do. After this meeting, I felt we could work together.
We then met with another female physician who recently opened her own clinic. At the interview, my would be counterpart showed up in a purple faded t-shirt (at least it was fitted!) paired with work pants… I almost fell over. The female opening the clinic had visions of making this a premier clinic offering holistic services and was talking about doing t.v. appearances.
Needless to say the would be employer extended the offer to me but not the woman I was trying to job share with… The looks and presentation were 50% of the issue for not being selected. (50% was due to the other woman not being able to work at least 20 hours/week) I was then put in a bad position… Thankfully this woman did get another job. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t know her well enough. I would have said something had it been a friend or colleague.
I always say it is better to be over dressed than under especially when it comes to professional appearances, interviews etc.
cheers,
Rajka
ExpatDoctorMom recently posted..The Doctor is In!
Hi there Rajka,
Great example! The way we dress has a heavy bearing outside of our confidence, but it speaks to others around us. I’m not saying that someone has to wear fancy/expensive clothes – but dressing for the part is important. Time and place is everything!
Thank you for sharing your story Rajka!
Man, did you hit this on the nail. I like to use the lawyer analogy where, if you were accused of murder, are you hiring the guy that looks like a million dollars or the guy wearing jeans and a cowboy hat with a bolo (unless you’re in Texas; yeah, I said it!)? At the same time, if you need a plumber are you hiring the guy in the 3-piece suit or the guy with the coveralls and the tool belt around his waist?
Looks really do matter, and it’s hard to fully get it right. I know in some situations I need to wear that suit, and in others I really need to be more casual. It’s all about presentation, whether we want to believe it or not.
Mitch Mitchell recently posted..Why People Unsubscribe From Your Lists – The Answers
Mr. Mitchell…how are you sir!
Great analogies. Those are so practical that no one can deny that they choose the lawyer that looks like a million bucks and the plumber who looks the part.
Time and place and everything. And I’ve had a number of occurrences where I under-dressed or overdressed. Always uncomfortable when that happens.
I agree that physical characteristics really matter…Even in businesses…Thanks for the tips…
Amenda Winter recently posted..software for affiliate marketing
Hey Amenda. Matter they do…ESPECIALLY in business!
Jk,
For years I though that looks didn’t matter…and it showed. You know who taught me that they do? George Washington.
Sounds funny huh, but it’s true. Everything about him personified confidence and stability, from his posture, clothing, and the way he carried himself. He was the rock of our country throughout the Rev War and the following years of his presidency and he took tremendous care to insure that he looked and acted the part. Looks do matter whether we want to admit it or not.
Great post brother!
Jason from Skyward recently posted..Windshield Time: Achieving Personal Development Behind the Wheel!
Hey Jason!
I wouldn’t have thought in a million years that you learned this lesson from GW. but as I read your comment I thought of ever picture I had seem of him and can certainly see the correlation. I love how lessons are everywhere if we are willing to accept them!
Thanks for sharing that J!
Take care buddy
Absolutely looks matter, JK. There is definitely no doubt about that in my mind. The question I think most people should ask themselves is – “Do you care what people think of you?”
Frankly, I like dressing good. It makes me and that usually that only enhances my mood. But, I will tell you that I don;t always dress-up. There are times when I put on some gym shorts and .shirt and head down to the local starbucks to read or get some work done and I DO have tattoos!
I have 5 but only 2 are visible as they are right on my calves. The workers at the Starbucks know me by name because I go in there all the time and so we can usually hit it off and start a conversation as my drink is being prepared but through the corner of my eyes I can see people looking and starring!
It always makes me laugh a bit. What can be going through their head is something I always wonder?
Is is fair that people cast judgement, have stereotypes about certain people or the way certain people look or the kind of lifestyle they live? – No, but it’s only human so I never take offense to it.
I now know that my tattoos are a symbol of the non-conformist that has always existed inside of me. I have always known that attaining a formal education and punching in and punching out for forty years was not the way I was meant to live, it’s really not the way anyone was meant to live BUT society thinks so. People can and have the right to get tattoos if they want to BUT society says it’s wrong. Lol.. get where I am going with this JK?
This is definitely a topic that I can go on-and-on in but I’ll stop here otherwise I’ll never stop! Thanks for letting me share JK!
Hector Avellaned recently posted..My Birthday Wish Is That You Be Extraordinary!
PS: I meant to tell you – You and your wife look hilarious in this picture!
Yeah, hilarious indeed. We had a ball that year!
Hector – I know where you are coming from. I have a tattoo either. I like tats, but I think when they get placed on the neck and hands – it makes what’s already a tough battle…even tougher.
When I think of personal presentation, time and place always comes in mind. Some people don’t understand that when you go in for a job interview that you should remove your lip ring. It’s really easy for many of us to see – but some just don’t get it. By no means do I think people shouldn’t express their style and uniqueness with the world – but at some point we have to at least conform in order to have things work in our favor.
Great comment Hector. Thanks man!
Hey J I love the picture you guys are so funny I bet, that was fun, you really In jet your character into your blog, that’s cool.
Doe’s Look matter yes – should looks matter yes, Its the Law, but it’s no reason not to Look deeper, that’s the place were you’ll find the gold and diamonds
Lovely post J
Blessing King
Lloyd Christie recently posted..The Law of Gunja smoking
Hey Lloyd,
Yes, we had a lot of fun…and I think it’s important to lighten the mood some when a heavy subject is under fire. So that’s why I picked that particular photo. Also, to share some of my personality.
Looks shouldn’t matter. But they do. So since that’s the case – we should respond accordingly.
Glad you liked the post man.
PEACE
JK, just wanted to stop by and introduce myself. Found your blog through Benny’s post on top 40 bloggers this summer.
Completely agree with this topic. Looks make a huge difference on other people’s perception of you. If someone was standing outside a house at night dressed all in black and wearing a ski mask, most likely they would call the cops because this “looks” like a burglar. But if he’s wearing a fancy suit, people might think he just got locked out of his house. People should always be cognizant of their physical appearance and style themselves appropriately for different situations.
Paul,
Man, thank so much for stopping by and checking the place out!
Being aware of our looks (or presentation) means that we can control some of the perceptions that people for of us. Too often people create misconceptions that are inaccurate and negative. No one wants to be on the tail end of an unfairly casted judgement.
Your burglar analogy was spot on. Absolutely spot on!
Man, thanks so much for stopping by and share this comment. I appreciate.
Enjoy your week!
JK,
Yes, looks do matter, and I absolutely agree with your points. But I also have one of my own, based upon my experience living in a tent for the past two weeks.
I don’t have water, and I don’t have electricity. Well, I have water, but not a lot, because I have to walk more than 20 minutes to get it, and then carry it back to the tent. My point is this, I haven’t showered for two weeks, and I have hardly shaved. I have washed, so I don’t smell… and I don’t think that people who sees me (for the first time) will understand that I’m any different, but because I know that I haven’t showered for 14 days, I am different. I know this, and my appearance suffer from it.
So, even though I look exactly the same, my appearance is different.
By the way, I swim in the ocean every single day as well, so if I smell, the smell is probably from the ocean
Jens
Jens P. Berget recently posted..Why I Walk 30 Minutes To Be Online
You live in a tent Jens? And you have an internet connection? Curious how that works. What an interesting setup. And you’re right, your situation is greatly different than most (at least here in the states) but you know how to make it work for you.
I see what you’re saying big time. It’s a matter of display or presentation.
Thanks for sharing Jens!
Actually, I don’t have an internet connection other than right now, when I’m at the public library. I walk about 30 minutes a few times a week to be able to be online
Jens P. Berget recently posted..Why I Walk 30 Minutes To Be Online
Hi JK,
Of course looks matter – and to deny that is to deny the fact that sight is our most powerful sense. It plays a major part in the way we learn – that’s why there are people who can learn just by watching a task as it is completed – that’s why instructional videos work.
We learn more quickly by what we see and make decisions based on the information our eyes take in. It’s a survival mechanism really – if something looks scary, we don’t have time to ask it questions like: “Are you going to eat me?” or do you just look that way – no we just take off running!
It’s embedded in us to make snap decisions based on looks. We read the situation with our eyes and if a particular situation looks shady, we don’t have time to stop and ask questions. This is not to be shallow, but to say that if you want to present yourself as an authority, you have to put on an “Authority Uniform.” This reminds me of a Dave Chappell episode when he was talking about the way some women dress – that wearing a short mini skirt doesn’t make you street walker, but it becomes confusing since that’s a street walker’s uniform. If someone was wearing a police uniform you’d assume they were a police right? That was his point.
Kiesha @ WeBlogBetter recently posted..5 Tips to Get More Subscribers
“Of course looks matter – and to deny that is to deny the fact that sight is our most powerful sense.”
There’s no way around it huh Kiesha! It is what it is. And since it is how it is, we have to be aware and alert of what our image gives off to the world. The Chappell example is a perfect one. Since we associate things by looks – if you look a certain part, you may get treated a certain way.
Thanks for bringing these great examples – adding pounds of value for the readers.
I appreciate you taking the time.
Have a great day!
I think you’re right dude, we naturally do this.
I’ve really been becoming aware of, and getting in between, stimulus and response and understanding that you have to probe and interact a bit to REALLY find out what people are about, helps me tremendously.
There are some things, based on patterns our brains recognize, that give us indications of how people are or what they’re about, but in many cases, our “experience slicing” as Malcolm Gladwell would say (Blink) is sometimes completely full of shit.
Ultimately, I think it’s good to have a balance, bro. To keep in mind that you really have to dig a bit to make a full determination and from the person side, it’s definitely important to remember that either way, other people are judging you and creating perceptions, and some, don’t go any deeper than the initial slice of experience. We need some more bloggers talking about this kind of stuff man!
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Hey Ryan – great point about having balance and the need to dig deep to make a full determination. I’m with you 100%. I do this. Sadly, most don’t. So that’s why I wanted to cover this very sensitive topic. I’m willing to speak…and I appreciate you blessings it with your always well-thought-out comments.
Very True. We all judge a book by it’s cover. How we look defines who we are based upon perception. I just think, we cannot be defined by what society says is right or wrong. But be free thinkers ourselves. For the only one opinion matters in the mind of a human, and that’s there own.
I love that I came to comment, and you are right here! I agree with you Jonathan, 112% I respect people way more when they “let their freak flag fly”. Although, everyone has to know… There is a time…AND a place!
So yea, to JK too… That is how I feel. I like to use the situation at hand to work with my appearance. For example, next time I am at a large industry conference of online marketers… Instead of dressing in a shirt and tie like a lot of them will be… I will wear board shorts… Then when people talk to me, they will find me successful, THEN they will be real impressed cause it’s like “Damn if this kid can do it in board shorts and flippy floppy’s”
Thanks for another great post man! What day do you usually drop these?
Surfs up!
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Hey Jonathan – I like what you said:
” I just think, we cannot be defined by what society says is right or wrong.”
But sadly we are. We may not accept the definition…or think that the definition mattes…but it carries weight. Just because a guy who tattoos on his face thinks it shouldn’t matter when trying to get a job…he’ll be faced with the reality that it does matter.
It can be cold out there. But I guess it is what it is!
PEACE
Thank you for writing this great piece. This is a subject I feel strongly about and pretty much the base of the site I run, Helping men with their personal appearance. Economist Daniel Hamermesh and Jeff Eddie did a study and found that people who were good-looking tend to be hired more, more raises, and on average earn 10 to 15 percent more than their counterparts. It’s one of those subjects that we don’t really want to talk about but it does affect everyone.
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Are You Using the Right Soap for Your Skin?
By Dr. Josh Zeichner for…
Hey Robert – looks like I touched on a subject of interest to you. I got a chance to review your site some and see what you are about. I did so on my phone, so forgive me for not getting a chance to comment (hard to comment form the phone).
As you proved with the numbers from the study – it matters. We don’t want it to matter…but still – it matters.
I agree that looks really matter even in businesses and as a person…We have to always look decent…
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Andy – presentation matters in all walks of life. There’s a time and place for different presentations.
Hey JK!
You know what I like about this post…it’s the TRUTH!
Sometimes, the truth hurts. I’d like to believe we live in a world where we don’t “judge a book by it’s cover,” but not only is that completely false it’s practically impossible. Our brains are wired to make judgments. It’s how we process information. Malcolm Gladwell speaks about this brilliantly in his book Blink.
I think the take away here is to recognized that you have SOME control over those perceptions, so why not maximize it.
WORD.
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Yes! It’s the TRUTH Marlee!
And yes, it surely does hurt sometimes. But again, it’s still the truth – so we better not avoid it and act like it doesn’t exists.
Good point about it being impossible not to judge a book by it’s cover. How in the world do you not process information and intellectually (without effort) make make comparisons and/or judgements. I guess it’s a part of our design.
Hmm, this is a sensitive and timely topic for me. I recently split up with someone I loved very much and shared alot of my life and experiences with. He stated to me, that “he know longer liked the way I looked”. He thought I had let myself go..maybe he was right, but it was in my opinion, a step in the right direction, although some times we take two steps back… before we take two steps forward.
I took out the weave, the false eyes lashes, the nails. I stopped obsessing about being the best dressed, most perfectly presented woman in the room, and got to know who I was..and what I really looked like..without all the “plugins” as I like to call them. The woman he met was a glamour queen, the woman he ended up living with, cut all her hair off.. amongst other things. This was for a me a transition to being and loving me…not the fake, salon-ified version of me which in large part was maintained so fiercely, so as to protect what people thought of me, and ensure my attraction to men. I’m by know means perfect, but I still break out the 4 inch heels, fierce ass frock, red nails, and lip gloss, but it’s all done with much less intensity now.I just don’t care as much. I feel comfortable, powerful and incredibly feminine with my short hair..it also comes with alot of misconceptions, but I don’t give a shit. I cared what he thought, and maybe if he had been mature enough to tell me how he really felt about my physical change, I may have done somethings differently. But as it stands, all the falseness has gone..and..tellingly..so has he! I know I got all up in my personal business..but you know it’s always the unashamed truth with me. On a professional note though, I know how to play the game..I just know longer want to ..suits, were never my bag anyway..so I changed the game. Now I work in yoga paints, converse and a cut up t-shirt..and still think I look fly, lol
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physical appearances can really matter even in businesses… We always have to be visually attractive…
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its ugly but its true i know exactly what thats about and i found out how some people can use it as an advantage my outer image of myself is negative i still wear baggy jeans with t shirts i have gold teeth and tatoos so people think they figured me out when they see me then they seem surpised when i do something that looks out of character for me even tho its more then likely that the so called average person is well mannered greets people as they walk past and respect every one around by not cursing or speaking about vulgar situations out in public so in a way if you have a certain image you can make your self seem a little more special then you actually are since people judge you soon as they you can surprise them by not doing things they think is out of your character when you really just doing you thanks for the post man keep ‘em coming
excuse me i meant to say by doing things they think is out of your character
JK, as usual deep as hell! I admit I do this all the time and even though my sub conscious tells me that it is wrong, it happens. At least I can admit that. Unfortunately that is just the way society is..how we are perceived, how we look, what we say; it all plays a part in how a person is going to perceive who they “think” you are without saying a word to you.
I had someone tell me in email that they thought my comment on a post was rude because I was telling it the way I “saw” it. There is no right or wrong with this subject because no matter what anyone says, tomorrow, the next person or thing you see will be judged no matter what you tell yourself. We do it all the time without even knowing it.
I have been struggling to get in shape because of health problems in my family and it’s amazing the small changes achieved brings men out of the woods to all of a sudden want to say hello. Huh? Where were you when I looked like this? Yeah exactly, lose some weight and they all come running. Looks Matter…it is what it is.
An old friend once told me that what we feel is lacking on someone else is what we don’t want for ourselves. It sounds weird, but I got what they meant. JK, my Bay Area Brother…this was deep and very thought provoking, but as real as it gets.
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I don’t know why everyone says that brains, and personality is all that matter ?
We are not robots. I cant be with someone that looks like Quasimodo. The same way i cant eat moths, and dead animals from the asphalt – am disgust.
Fat, ugly, creepy, smelly – that also a sign of weak personality. A person with values will never arrive at a state of not being able to see hes own jojo….
Brains matters but only if the look are satisfying for me. That a base. That the start. An ignition.
Sorry, but that how it is for 99% of guys. (womams speak for themselves)
You look good. Ok. Now lets see if we can get along.
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Looks can get you in the front door, but what’s inside is what will keep you in the house.
Super post.
I agree that one should give oneself any possible advantage for success. If that means to dress a bit better to get people to notice you, then so be it.
I’ve always been a bit of a LOOKS don’t matter kind of guy. But I’ve learned that most people judge you before you even open your mouth. It’s not being rude, they are just trying to be efficient and not waste time. Give them a chance to know you, if that is by dressing up a bit more classy. Then do it.
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OK… I almost chocked on my seltzer water when I got to this page! Your pic was so unexpected… You know, I wanted to comment on the aspect of being “shallow”. When we formulate judgements on appearance, generally speaking, we are not being shallow. We are simply making references and even perhaps trying to recall past experiences with someone, something, or some kind of situation that is similar to a perceived appearance. This is social conditioning at its best. It is not a bad thing. In its truest form, it is there to serve us as a form of protection. “If you see a mean angry woman, run! If you are starving, find someone who is overweight, chances are they know where the food is,… stuff like that.”
Conversely, we inadvertently can use appearance to formulate stereotypes that can be false and misleading. So using the example of someone with dreads and tattoo; in one community, a person with dreadlocks and a tattoo may find it difficult to locate a job in a rural area as opposed to being in a major metropolitan area where people, generally, are more familiar with and accepting of diversity, while welcoming of the beauty found in each culture. At the end of the day, it is the communication of internal content rather than the outward appearance of a person which produces value in relationships. I have seen some successful professionals managers with long flowing dreadlocks… and what has carried them to success was not how neat they kept their locks. It was their talent and their projection of success.
I am sure we all have been in a situation where we have met the most physically alluring person and was let down the moment you engaged that person in a conversation. With that said, we gotta “present ourselves in the manner we wish to be addressed”. Likewise, we need to be prepared to follow through with our inner beauties of talent, wisdom, mindfulness, and other virtues that we possess.
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I agree that looks really matter especially in businesses…
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nice ideals,i really enjoyed reading your article , most people don’t understand the true meaning of looks. it says a lot about an individual.
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Hi Jk,
You are so right! We judge people constantly. We don’t even have to know them. And, there we go…assessing every tiny thing! And, as far as a job interview – beware. I enjoyed your rendition of this old topic. Keep up the good work. I’ll be back often!
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It’s sad but true. If you go into a bank looking like you’re broke more than likely they won’t give you a loan. Unfortunately our society has always put looks on it’s highest level of acceptance. I admit I’m guilty if I’ve been speaking to someone on the phone for months and when I finally meet them, they don’t look like the person I think they should look like. It’s as if my brain can’t accept that they are the same person. The rule I’ve learned to follow is talk to the person, once you know whose inside it doesn’t matter how they look on the outside.
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I agree with this post…Sometimes, looks really matter but not all the time…If you are a customer then you will certainly choose a place or a person which are presentable than settling from the other…
I don’t think that looks really matters..For me it is the personality that counts!
Well, Looks really do matter.. ON HALLOWEEN! But I think personality counts..
Normally, if a post has this many comments, I don’t add because I feel that the poster and the commentators probably aren’t paying attention anymore. However, I’m itching BIG time to post this.
First off, I like this blog. It’s different because in the blog world the term hustler isn’t used enough, and that’s what I’ve always identified with.
I have to say that I agree with the term “image is everything”. Completely. I get it. I just don’t feel like image is in the “looks”. I believe the image is built when you start to do and say things.
I going to try to explain my point without getting confusing. If an interviewer sees someone walk in to their meeting looking like they didn’t even care to shave or wear a tie or maybe tuck in their shirt or cover some tats, they can (understandably) write them off. However, me personally, I feel like that guy very likely has no understanding of that department of his life. I don’t necessarily feel like he’s unqualified for this job. However, once he opens his month if he’s confident, speaks of things he’s done and presents a good portfolio I’m impressed. The fact that he’s not “dressed to the part” has no impact on me. You can teach someone how to groom themselves, manage their time, “look the part” and present themselves. You can’t teach creativity and you can’t teach someone to be passionate about their work. There are many creative people walking around that are good at just that…being creative. They might not be good at a lot of other things (like presentation). I think being yourself builds your image, hence why I agree with “image is everything”. If being yourself involves letting the beard grow rough or never buttoning up your shirt…so be it. Looks DON’T matter. Looks matter to people who care about looks in a certain department. The way your car looks only matters to someone else who cares how your car looks. A dirty car doesn’t mean someone is dirty, it could mean they don’t like to clean their car. Yet their home could be spotless. Someone who’s lazy to take out the trash might be the furthest thing from lazy when dealing with kids. There are plenty of plain looking websites out there that get repeat and new traffic constantly simply because they deliver excellent content. People get into relationships with people who they didn’t find attractive at first, but the personality drew them in (maybe a work relationship). A restaurant could have a run down looking decor, but with real good food. I’m not trying to be confrontational or disagree just to disagree. I just had to comment because I used to think this way and changed it a long time ago. It has worked out for me. I was also shocked that the entire comment section was filled with agrees and not one person opposed this.
Very insightful and powerful post, Jk.
You hit it slam on the head! Looks play a huge factor when determining how others see you. It’s one of those things that people can’t help but take notice of. First impressions are the golden key to building any type on connections and relationships.
I often ask my younger brother who’s having a rough time getting employment right now, what image is he setting off. Even if you’re going to apply for a position at McDonald’s, no one wants to see you coming in with your pants hanging off your butt, in need of a haircut, and slouching. It’s all in presentation. Stand up straight, use a belt, and for goodness sake, shave!
In my opinion, if you don’t take pride in your presentation, it says a lot about your character, values, and confidence level. No matter what the industry, no one wants to be affiliated with someone who makes them look bad. I know I don’t.
Even when it comes to being online, presentation is everything. One of the main reasons being, it’s all that a person has to go by. So I’m very mindful of which photos of myself I place online for that very reason. My words can only go but so far, and I don’t want my words to paint a picture that contradicts who I am as an individual.
Brand is the whole package! Not just what’s on the inside. If Coke was only a good cola, and the package it came in was a Jimmy Juice carton; no one would take them serious as the best cola out there. If when you walked into Starbucks and all you noticed was coffee grounds all over the floor, you’d seriously reconsider buying a cup of Joe from them.
Appearance is everything when marketing oneself. There isn’t many ways around that! And I personally don’t think I’d care for it if it wasn’t priority.
Pure Awesomeness, Jk! You knocked this slam out of the park!!
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i like your post here, you really did make a good point. and i love reading all others opinions.
It is really said that looks do matter and we all know that it is important even in business…
as what we can see to our society now, yes looks do matter. but just be yourself and the beauty within you will show off.
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Hello JK, I’ll start out I’ll say this is an interesting piece. I understand your point…and in many ways on the surface looks do matter. However, I believe that when we have become aware that there is some shallowness in judging a book by the cover we can start looking deeper from the on set. Don’t get me wrong I would be a hypocrite if I said I have never done this but with awareness that not all that is shiny and glittery is gold I’ve pushed myself to remember that a lot of times the glitter is simply hiding a lot of “shined up” ugly.
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I agree that looks do really matter, for they are the ones that determine the first impression. It is one fact that you will find most people try to deny, but in real sense they judge people by their looks. I just realized that I judge people by their looks too when I read your article!
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